I don't usually get angry - externally. One of the curses of being so introverted I suspect. Instead, I bottle it up inside until it becomes toxic, I torment myself with replays almost like someone is continually hitting the rewind/play buttons just to punish me and when it gets to the point that I just can't cope anymore - I'm out of there. I leave. I walk away ... and I collapse .... internally. Healthy huh!
And sugar-coated bullies have that effect on me. They're the adult, cultured version of school bullies.
Sugar-coated bullies have learned the social graces that adequately mask their intent to bully ... at least for a while .. and you know what, I don't even know that this is a conscious thing; in fact, I genuinely believe that they would be incredulous of the fact that someone even thought of them as a bully.
Their almost "sickly-sweet" over-accommodating personality is usually the first warming sign - they're "too familiar" too quickly. The "I'm too good to be true" facade that sucks us in, plays with our head and actually has us thinking that they are. They just suck is in ... they're so damn good at that.
I can immediately think of about 5 people who fit this bill perfectly. Considering the number of years I've been around, I guest that's not too bad. Perhaps I've been fortunate. Their tactics may all be a little different but they do all have the same thing in common - their external pleasantness, "I can't do anything wrong, I'm such a good person, we get on so well" facade that gets us all in ... and you know what, I stupidly fall for it every time ... every time !! I should know better.
But I guess the fact that I'm even writing this means that I'm learning ... slowly. Sadly.
I actually think these sugar-coated bullies are our school bullies in disguise ... just grown up. Some will be absolutely charming (until you turn your back), others will be overbearingly friendly or familiar (but it's not real) and others will have the most amazing way of manipulating everything you say or do, or anything that goes wrong as a result into "your fault" ... ie. "I don't understand why this is happening, all we've ever tried to be is good to you".
Please tell me I'm not alone here.
Don't get me wrong, I'm no angel, I'm not talking about everyone who I have interacted with here or everyday tiffs, disputes, conflicts that can be resolved in a logical manner, by talking, working things through etc ... I'm talking about those one or two people you come across in life that you just can't reason with, can't resolve issues with because of the emotional blackmail, justification and manipulation that is designed to make you think "well maybe it is me", "maybe they're right" .... um ... more like maybe I've done it again ... actually fallen into the trap ....
Listen to me, I'm pathetic ... even talking myself into questioning myself again as I write this. That's how clever they are .. or how gullible I am :)
But I still come back to that single give-away, that tell-tale sign that brings it all back home... that one common denominator, that trait that they all share that tells me I'm right in this .... it's that sickly sweet, almost too good to be true or very familiar (before their time) way that has the ability to suck you in and then manipulate everything that is said or done to be your fault, because all they've ever tried to do is the right thing ....
I'm getting better at this, I'm not as naive as I used to be ... I'm learning that what you see is not always what you get ...
Funny isn't it ... we kinda think once we leave school, the bullying stops, and for a while, it appears to. But unfortunately, just as we have grown up, so have the bullies, they're just better at disguising it.
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